Blank Space…

So the year is fast coming to an end. Personally, I didnt even realise how this year pasesd. It has been an eventful year. From discovering new aspects of my human form to leaving another relationship behind to faltering at so many decisions to bouncing back again with a bang to endless fights with the world to what not. I wouldnt call this year a good year for sure. The amount of disappointment I have faced in this year, I think I havent ever before.

And now there is a blank space.

A BIG BLACK BLANK SPACE.

The next year is soon going to start and I shall soon be receiving my degree in political science. What is the way forward for me? what do 1 want to do ahead? 1 sure as hell dont want to be working in a government office so well, no civil service examinations for me. What I really want to do is journalism. But should I do it? I want to do something for the society. But should I do it? I want to dance and become a professional dancer. But should I do it? I want to finish my french diploma course. But should I do it? WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I DO?

YES, I am a 20 year old confused with my life currently. I never thought I would reach this stage. as much planned as life can be, I dont think it ever goes according to the plan.

All i want is the BLACK BLANK SPACE to give way for some colour and paint.

WHAT IF ?

Isn’t life filled with what ifs? So many what ifs? Almost at very stage of life. Every decision you take you always think what if? And as you grow older, the number of what ifs you say to yourself in a day increase. Funny thing, no? As you grow older, you re supposed to become independent and mature enough to deal with your own problems in an ‘adult’ manner. So why do the problems increase?
Lately, I have been in a state of turmoil. Faced with a lot of what ifs, I really have no clue how to take a step further in my life right now. When I reminisce about the days when I was younger and in school, I was supposed to achieve greatness. It was expected from me even without questioning my motives. And now looking at how life has turned out for me, I don’t think I am in any way on the verge of achieving greatness.
Yet, life gets going. One lesson I ve learnt through all my difficult stages is that you keep moving. You keep hoping that tomorrow will be a good day. You keep telling yourself that maybe today is the day when finally the world will see what you are capable of and appreciate you and applaud you. You keep wishing that today is the day when finally the reason of your existence will be revealed to everyone and to yourself, most importantly.

A girl of few conversations, I best express myself when I write something. But today I am at such a stage in life that I myself am at a loss of words. Yes I clearly am at a very low point in life and totally directionless. But hey! life goes on. Looking forward to tomorrow!

OF RESTLESSNESS; OF NIGHTMARES; OF MASSAGES

So today, at sharp 6 am, I woke up from a nightmare shivering and teeth chattering et al. How do I know the time? Well, I have a habit of looking at my phone the first thing when I wake up to check the time. I celebrate and jump in my mind if I ever wake up before 9 am. Student life, people. Summer is all about waking up late and feeling rested. It is not called lazy summers for nothing, isn’t it? But waking up from a terrible nightmare at 6 am is not my style of waking up. First, I am not a morning person; second of all I prefer dreamless sleeps. the nightmare isn’t worth describing so I won’t waste my time there, but waking up like this got me thinking- Where am I going in this life? 

Waking up at 6 am didn’t make me feel fresh nor did it make feel energised. I didn’t feel like I could conquer the world. No, it made me feel sluggish. I wonder why. Anyway,so as I started my day like this, I started wondering- What is the purpose in my life? Why have I been given this life? What am I to do? And suddenly, I started feeling restless. I couldn’t stop walking, couldn’t stop my brain from overthinking. I was so tensed and worried about my life that I couldn’t move out of my house for the whole day. And yes, I know it was just this one day in life. i will get over it soon enough. But, frankly, I don’t want that to happen. I want this to be my motivation to fulfil the objective of my birth in this mortal world. And I know I will do it.

So I sleep again in the afternoon. I take a three hour nap against the half hour power nap that I had decided in the first place. Again, I wake up from a bad dream. Why does this keep happening? And again, I feel this great burden on my body- the weight of expectations- if I must put it in a better way. I realise suddenly that it is these expectations that are giving me these bad sleep episodes. After much of thinking, I have realised I am only going to do one thing- do not give a fuck about other people, do what I feel like and do one thing at a time. Multi tasking, although commendable is not efficient. I will do one thing at a time but give my 100% to it. I want to yearn to be the best at everything I do and to be the best, I have to give my 100% to it. To give it my 100% I have to focus on that thing. and I am not somebody who will lose focus. I don’t know what I am going to be in life, but I am on my way of making sure that I make my life worth while I am still present.

Oh and massages? Just to get over the sluggishness thanks to my nightmares that I have been getting. 😉

OF BEAUTIFUL BLONDES; OF TRUCK DRIVERS; OF INDIA

So personally, I am not a fan of either Alia Bhatt or Randeep Hooda. But Imitiaz Ali? Yes, I am. After delivering wonderful movies like Jab We Met and Love Aaj Kal, it was clearly appalling to see him take up on a script like Highway. I mean who in the right mind would want to direct that movie? The locales were beautiful, he places picturesque; but where was the story, my dear director? Sure, it is too late to criticize Highway since it has already become an old successful movie but I couldn’t help it. 

Alia Bhatt has become a star overnight, of course and she should really thank Imitiaz Ali for it. But I couldn’t help but notice that Alia Bhatt’s character was strikingly similar to Kareena Kapoor’s Geet in Jab We Met. and Alia Bhatt is an outspoken fan of Kareena Kapoor. but I am shocked, to say the least, that Imitiaz Ali would plagiarize his own movie. This was not expected. Imitation is the sincerest form of Flattery. Why would one want to imitate a character from his previous movie? Plainly, to get attention. But enough about this now.

Coming back to Ms. Alia Bhatt. What was she thinking doing a movie like this? What was Randeep Hooda thinking? I so wish to be in a parallel universe where this movie never went on floors and never reached the cinemas across the country. Until then, I think I will have to live with the fact that a certain section of the film industry thought it right to make a movie wherein a rich upper class Delhi girl falls in love with the truck driver. Sigh.